Dating Scammers, what are they, how to spot them and what to do

Online dating is a safe and enjoyable way to meet new people, as long as you keep your wits about you and your feet on the ground. The overwhelming majority of the people you'll come across are exactly who they say they are. A small number aren't, and the good news is that they nearly always work to the same pattern. Once you know what that pattern looks like, they get a lot easier to pick. At Singles Over 60 Dating we take this seriously and work constantly to keep them off the site.

What Is A Dating Scammer?

A scammer is somebody using the site to exploit you rather than to meet you. They aren't looking for a partner. They're after money, or the bank details that lead to it. It's a crime, and when it happens through a dating service it's known as romance fraud. Worth saying plainly: being taken in by one is nothing to be ashamed of. These people do it full time, they're practised at it, and they target decent trusting people precisely because they're decent and trusting. Police reckon a lot of it goes unreported in New Zealand for exactly that reason.

How to spot a dating scammer

The story doesn't quite add up
The thing to watch for isn't imperfect English, because plenty of genuine New Zealanders grew up speaking something else at home. What gives a scammer away is inconsistency. Somebody says they've lived in Tauranga for thirty years but uses turns of phrase no Kiwi uses, or can't name the suburb they claim to live in. There are also stock phrases that turn up again and again, because they're copied from a script: "Hello Dear" as an opener, or lines with an odd shape to them such as "I am George by name, I am 50 by age" and "I hope to be reading from you soon". If you've seen one of those, you've seen the script.

Fast Moving
Is somebody declaring their feelings within days, or talking about a future together before you've so much as spoken on the phone? Real affection at any age takes longer than that. Rushing you is deliberate, because the whole approach depends on getting you attached before they ask for anything.

Money Requests
Never send money to another member, however persuasive the story and however long you've been talking. The classic is the airfare, so they can finally come and see you. Others include a medical emergency, a customs charge on a parcel, a business deal gone wrong, or being stranded overseas. Another version runs the other way: they ask for your bank details so they can deposit an inheritance or a large sum with you for safe keeping, which is how your account ends up moving somebody else's money. The newest variation doesn't ask for money at all at first. Instead they mention how well they've done out of an investment, usually cryptocurrency, and offer to show you how it works. The site they steer you to looks convincing and your balance appears to grow. It isn't real, and you won't get it out. Whatever the wrapping, the answer is the same: no.

Telltale profiles to look out for
A lot of these profiles put the person conveniently out of reach: working offshore, on a rig or a mining contract, serving overseas with the military, or doing aid work somewhere far away. It's a tidy explanation for why they can never meet you and why the line is always bad. Near empty profiles are worth a second look too, not because a quiet person is suspicious, but because somebody running dozens of accounts doesn't bother filling them in. And have a proper look at the photos. If they look like a modelling shoot or a stock photo, they probably are one. A reverse image search on Google Images will often tell you within a minute.

Trust your instincts

If something feels wrong, it very probably is. You've had decades of practice at reading people, and that instinct doesn't stop working just because the conversation is happening on a screen. You don't need proof and you don't need to justify it to anybody. Slow down, or walk away.

Protect your privacy

If somebody pushes early on to move the conversation off the site, onto email, WhatsApp, Facebook or a text thread, be careful. There's a reason for the hurry. Off our site there's no moderation, no reporting tools and no record of what was said, which is exactly the point for them. Genuine members are usually happy enough to keep chatting here until you both know each other a bit better.

How do I report a suspected scammer?

If you suspect somebody isn't who they say they are, or they've given you cause for concern in any other way, scroll to the bottom of their profile and click the "Report profile" link, which looks like this:

Your report is strictly confidential and the person you report is never told about it. We'd also suggest using the "Ignore" link afterwards so they can't contact you again. Once you do, they can no longer see your profile and will most likely assume you've left the site. We'll look into the report and take whatever action is needed. Please don't hold off reporting because you're not certain. We would far rather check ten hunches that come to nothing than miss one that mattered.

If you've already sent money or shared your bank details, ring your bank straight away, then report it to Police on 105 or at police.govt.nz. You can also get free, confidential advice from Netsafe on 0508 638 723 or by texting 4282. Netsafe can advise and support you but they can't investigate, so the Police report matters if money has gone.

Read more about relationship and romance scams on the Netsafe website here: https://netsafe.org.nz/scams/romance-scams

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